Goodbye
by ang c
Summary: How do they cope with the loss of one of them.
1. Default Chapter

Title: Goodbye

Author: Ang C

Rating: PG13

Pairing: H/C

Spoilers: Season Opener Season 3

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I own nothing (not even a little piece of Eric) it all belongs to the excellent people at CBS. Except when I borrow them for my dreams!!!!

WARNING!!! This Fic was born out of the spoilers for season 3 (which I hope are not true – hey I'm allowed to dream aren't I), and especially a photo shown own the Entertainment tonight website – see end of story. The story deals with a major character death.

Roses: Yellow = friendship, Red = Love, White – Pure, Innocence

Yellow ribbon: Often used by people to show that someone they love is missing from their lives. I know he's not coming back but I wanted to represent that the team are missing an important part of themselves.

Part One

He was gone...

It was eerily quiet in the normally bustling halls of the Miami Crime lab, those who were not working a scene were attending a funeral, but it was a funeral unlike any other, this was family. The whole lab was mourning the loss of one of their own, a dedicated CSI who gave his life in the line of duty.

A lone figure stood silently in the trace lab, lost in her own memories of a best friend who had died too young. Calleigh Duquesne wasn't really sure how she got here or why she was here, but she was drawn in by an unseen force, as if by spending time in what was really his office, she could maintain a connection to her friend.

Calleigh stood by one of the tables blankly staring straight ahead at nothing, whilst absently sweeping her hand back and forth, her fingertips touching the desk as if to provide the connection she sought. Calleigh felt as if she was in another place, not really wanting to face reality, today was the day he would be put to rest. It was time to say goodbye, and that was something she didn't want to do. It was like a bad dream, one she desperately wanted to wake from, if only she could go back in time, then she could force Horatio to take her with him on the bust instead, and maybe, just maybe, Tim would still be here.

Deep in thought Calleigh didn't realize she was no longer alone; Horatio had slipped unseen into the room and, as he had done many times before, was silently watching her. It almost took his breath away to see her in pain; it hurt to see her this upset when all he wanted to do was comfort her. Horatio had loved Cal for years, but as her boss he had always kept his distance, not wanting to harm their extremely close friendship or overstep any boundaries. Now he wanted to help her, he wanted to be the one she turned to. He wanted to heal her pain with all the love in his heart and show her that she meant the world to him, but first he had to get her to open up, to trust him with her insecurities. That was not going to be easy it would take all of his patience and understanding to get through to her, first though they had to get through today.

"Calleigh, sweetheart, what are you doing here?" his gentle voice held no trace of censure only concern.

"Horatio" she whispered turning slowly to face him as she realized she was no longer alone "I can't believe he's gone, I keep expecting him to come walking in..."

"I know honey" H replied as he reached out to touch her cheek, gently sweeping the stray hairs back behind her ears, as he looked into her eyes.

She continued talking her voice breaking with unshed tears "It should have been me H, I should have been the one to go with you" Cal looked away she didn't want H to see how she was falling apart she had tried to be strong since Tim had passed, but now she was beginning to unravel.

"NO" H's response was emphatic; he didn't want to contemplate that scenario even for a second. It was true there was no-one in the department who could handle a gun better than their bullet girl but the idea of losing her was more than he could bear.

The force and emotion in his reply made Calleigh look into his azure eyes again, she was struck by the feeling behind the words and wondered if there could be more between them than mere friendship. The idea that she could mean more to him than just a colleague lit a small spark inside. Cal had loved Horatio almost from the moment they met but never dreamed he would feel the same way, when she thought about it he had always been careful with her feelings, treating her as if she was something special. Ever since Tim had died he made sure he always spent time with her making sure she was okay, maybe... just maybe there was hope...She let the thought go now was not the time. Today was for saying farewell to Tim.

"C'mon Calleigh, we need to get going, the funeral starts in half an hour" H's voice was soft as he reached out his hand asking her to accept his support and let him help her through what was going to be one of the hardest days in their lives.

Part 2

It was a beautiful service, the ceremony typical for a fallen detective, Speed had touched many lives and a lot of people had taken time out to pay their respects.

Tim's parents had flown down from New York; they had agreed that as he had found peace in Miami he should be buried here, laid to rest in a place that meant everything to him. It was the first time the CSI's had met his family. They learnt how Tim had spoken fondly of them all, he was very proud to be part of their team, feeling very privileged to work with them and he considered them all his closest friends.

Now they were alone. H, Eric and Calleigh stood together by his graveside, the other mourners long gone. They stood side by side each with their own memories of what Speed meant to them, they took this time to say their own private goodbye's.

Eric was first, he moved forward and lent over to toss his yellow rose and yellow ribbon into Tim's grave "Goodbye my friend, ease up on the partying up there"

Horatio followed, he too had a yellow rose and ribbon "Bye Speed, I hope you have finally found peace"

Calleigh was last, her rose was red but she too had a yellow ribbon, she dropped them down to join the offerings from her colleagues "Bye Tim, I'll miss you. I hope you are in a good place free from worry. We'll never forget you, please know we will always hold a place for you in our hearts."

Cal returned to her position flanked protectively by her two remaining colleagues. As they stood in quiet contemplation Horatio, as their boss and friend, was proud of his team. They had been through a lot in the last few days, coming to terms with the loss of a friend; they had completed their cases with their usual dedication while hurting deep inside.

Calleigh was suddenly struck, as she looked at where Tim was finally resting, that it was real, he was gone and now would only be with them in spirit. It was then that the tears began to fall. Horatio saw this and was thankful, he had been extremely worried about her; Cal was taking Tim's death very hard. H and Eric were both worried that she was not allowing herself to grieve, they all knew how strong Cal tried to be, But that was not always a good thing, sometimes you just had to let go. Exchanging glances with Eric over Cal's head he could see relief in his eyes, an expression which surely mirrored his own. Now that she had finally given in to her grief the boys could help her through it.

Horatio couldn't bear the thought of her hurting alone so he placed a comforting arm gently around her shoulders drawing her into the support of his body and his soul.

"Its okay sweetheart, let it all out, we're here for you" he whispered into her ear, knowing she would be embarrassed by her loss of control.

Eric also wanted to help and knowing how she hated to feel out of control stepped close to wrap his arm around her waist silently telling her that it was alright. He wanted her to know they were all here for each other, that they could rely on each other and there was no shame in having moments of weakness.

So they stood there, the three CSI's grieving over the loss of their best friend, their trace expert, someone who had come to mean so much to each of them...

None of them really knew how long they had stood there, when suddenly the atmosphere shifted. It was as if simultaneously and without words they each decided it was time to move on. It was as if they each had an unspoken connection and they realized that yes, they would miss Tim very much but they had to continue with their own lives, he would have wanted it that way.

Eric was the first to speak "I'm off now H, I'm meeting Laura"

"Okay Eric, take care"

Calleigh gave him a hug goodbye.

"Take care honey and please lean on us. Talk to H he's there for you always will be, he wants to help you very much" whispered Eric, knowing that these two needed a little push to get together, after all life was too short. With a final squeeze he left his colleagues and walked to his car.

Now it was only the two of them, Horatio was finally able to concentrate on the most important person in his life "How're you doing Cal?" gently touching her chin forcing her to look him in the eyes.

"I'm fine"

"You wanna get out of here?"

"Yeah but I don't wanna be alone" her voice was quiet as if she was unsure of herself after she finally admitted that she needed someone.

Horatio was relieved by her statement, he would make sure she never regretted opening up to him "You're not alone, how about coming home with me, we can talk maybe have a little something to eat?"

"I'd love that" replied Calleigh to the words she most wanted to hear, words that warmed her heart.

With one final look and good bye to Tim Cal took Horatio's outstretched hand and walked with him to his car where, ever the gentleman, he helped her settle before driving the short distance to his beachfront home.

TBC

Rest in Peace Detective Timothy 'Speed' Speedle. Beloved Friend and Trace Expert


	2. Chapter 2

Part 3

Once inside his home, Horatio sensed Calleigh's restlessness and led her to his Terrace overlooking the Ocean, hoping the view would help to soothe. Silently he left her alone as he went to hang up his jacket.

Looking out at the Ocean, Calleigh was in awe of the beautiful view and what a stunning day it was in Miami, with the sun shinning its usual brilliance. It suddenly struck her that this was wrong, it shouldn't be this nice on the day she buried her best friend.

The tears began to fall again as she thought of the man he was and how she would miss his presence in her life. You should stop this Calleigh she berated herself you need to be strong. Calleigh hated showing any weakness especially in front of Horatio; she wanted him to see only the best in her.

The tears continued to fall as sobs racked her body, afraid to ask for help she remained leaning against the railing hoping that Horatio would not see her, this out of control.

Horatio having shed his jacket returned to see how Cal was doing; it hurt him to see her beautiful figure so obviously in distress.

"Calleigh" he called softly as he quietly approached and reached out to touch her shoulder "are you okay?"

Realizing she couldn't hide from him any longer Cal turned to the man of her dreams and looked up into his blue eyes with her own tearstained ones and uttered one word "No"

"Come here" he enticed, opening his arms to draw her into the warmth of his body, he hugged her close uttering words of comfort as he gently stroked her back "shh baby, I'm here, your not alone, try and relax or you'll make yourself ill."

"Oh Horatio" was all she could manage, as she finally accepted his offer of comfort and succumbed to the warmth and strength that was his body, where she held on tight.

After a while Calleigh's tears dried up but she felt physically drained, her knees were week, without H to hold onto she would most likely collapse on the floor.

Horatio, in tune with his colleagues as usual, sensed that Cal was exhausted and could hardly stand so he led her over to the comfy sofa strategically placed on the terrace to offer the best view of the Ocean. But he didn't relinquish his hold, she was where she belonged and felt too perfect in his arms to let her go.

Horatio sat down taking Calleigh with him, encouraging her to curl up against his side so he could hold her. "Cal "he said, reaching out to gently touch her chin, silently asking her to look into his eyes "How are your doing?" he asked softly

"I know I've said this before but I can't believe he's gone H"

"I know honey, and I wish I could go back in time and change events so that we can keep him with us"

"Oh H, I'm sorry there's me crying all over you, being selfish, only thinking of myself when today will have been extremely hard for you as well. I'm sorry. How are you doing" she looked intently into his eyes seeing pain there, she almost reached up with her arm to touch his cheek, but stopped herself realizing that it may not be welcome.

"Calleigh don't be sorry, yes we're all hurting, but its you I'm worried about , today is the first time I have seen you shed a tear, you've been trying to be strong since it happened to support me and Eric and I appreciate it but now is your time. "

He looked intently into her eyes hoping that he was getting through, he loved this southern beauty but sometimes she could be so stubborn. Sweeping a stray lock of hair back behind her ear he continued quietly

"You are the last person who could be considered selfish, you've been attending to mine and Eric needs and never once considering yourself so please let me do this for you. Do you want to talk about it?"

Settling against his chest she realized she would not win this argument "I just miss him so much, I know he could be a pain in the ass occasionally but he was a really great friend."

"I know Cal, and I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but I can't, I can only assure you that I am here for you."

Calleigh looked up into his eyes trying to read the real meaning behind his words, she hoped to see feelings of love that mirrored her own, the love was there but she just wasn't sure if it was the romantic kind she wanted.

He continued "You know you can talk to me about anything, however silly you feel it might be, you know I won't judge you I just want to make you feel better. It's been a hard day, I don't expect you to just brush it aside, talk to me if you like or we can just sit here"

Calleigh didn't know were to start so she just settled herself comfortably against his chest listening to the strong heartbeat assuring her that he was alive.

They sat there in companiable silence wrapped in each others arms for quite some time before Calleigh took a deep breath and started talking.

"Did you know Tim and I dated for a little while?"

"No" he was a little taken aback and a little jealous "No I didn't" although, he thought it made sense, they had always been very close.

"Yeah, it was just after I started working for you, it didn't last very long, we both realized that, although we loved each other, we were friends not lovers."

Horatio hugged her closer realizing that today must have been even harder for her that he thought.

Calleigh quietly continued "for me, I realized he was not the man I wanted, oh I loved him, as best friends do, but he was not the person who held my heart in his hands"

Horatio's heart stopped a beat, could this possible be what he had wanted to hear since he first watched her all those years ago, when she captivated his heart. He didn't want to push and looked directly into her beautiful green eyes which he could swear were turning blue, reflecting his own. With his eyes he encouraged her to continue and see that she was safe with him.

"Horatio can I talk freely?" she asked a little unsure of herself, but it was now or never.

"Always"

"The person who holds my heart is you" she blurted out quickly hiding her face in his chest once again as if afraid of the answer, she was also hoping she had not overstepped any boundaries and that she wasn't making a fool of herself.

Horatio's arms tightened at this statement as his heart beat faster gently cupping her cheeks in his palms he lifted her face to his own and very slowly and irreverently touched her lips with his own and kissed her. "Calleigh, sweetheart do not be afraid you have been the centre of my world ever since we met, I love you with everything I have. If one thing the last few days has taught me is that life is too short."

He kissed her gently again "I'm yours if you want me"

"Oh Horatio I can think of nothing better" as she kissed him back "I love you too."

With that the two CSI's settled back onto Horatio's sofa wrapped in each others arms holding on tightly. Silently they watched over the Ocean a feeling of contentment washing over both of them, thankful that they had finally found each other.

Neither of them saw the smile on their friend's face as he saw them finally admit their love for each other; he was pleased that it had finally happened, they both deserved to be happy. Now he was finally at peace he could move on to the space in heaven that had been set aside for Timothy Speedle, he just wasn't sure he could handle the white suit and wings, he'd probably have to shave too.

Rest in Peace. Timothy 'Speed' Speedle beloved friend and Trace Expert.


End file.
